Want to fall in love again

I want to begin afresh.

her

this fragrance, this color;
so close and yet so far: the distances,
these unspoken words,
and unattended gestures,
they might suffocate me to death.

she confuses me,she refuses me,

i know she does and she knows i do,
in the corner of the brazilian beans,
stands a girl,...administers the brew.

what do i say,
i don't want to see her, my vision fails my imagination.
i want to smell her,
my imagination knows her better.

and, now when it rains,
i feel her tresses, on my skin.
i can now feel my toes,
i want to say, BUT i guess:
she already knows

and then sometimes,
you have to: let go,
you do, she doesn't,
she understands and you don't.

...yes, she charmed you, and
made you crazy, but
now its time,
to let go.

It rains out and it rains in

10th of September ‘09
2:50 a.m.
Sitting in my room looking at the drizzle
outside these thoughts overpower me.


It rains out and it rains in



And here I sit:
By my window side again.
It drizzles outside,
Washes my memories: rain.

I extend my hand,
To get my share of drops,
Balancing on my palms
Stolen from thirsty land.

I soak my soul;
Moisten my mind.
All this reminds me of you:
Forces me to rewind.

The lush dripping greens,
Tears of joy from the leaves.
Dazzles my eyes,
Forms a screen.

The Sheen,
Makes me wonder,
How it is now.
Makes me remember,
How it had been.

And There I Met You



The day was warm
Chill was ebbing away
And in the dry air
And sleepy eyes
Something brushed
And met my lips.

And that still is the best ever.
Under the sunny skies
Behind the leafy curtain.
Dodging the curious eyes
Something brushed
And met my lips.

And that day
Between partings
When I closed my eyes
And saw you.
Something brushed,
And met my lips.

And
Since then
That place
On every morning of sweet 16th
Awaits and longs
For the moment
When
Something brushed
And I met you.

A Poem , style: SARCASM

Sitting in a corner
i pace up and down
all the destinations
i have known.

I have been resting
for long now
i am tired want to run
cross all limits
don't know how.

i have wounds
which now are sour
and i was smiling
in the parting hour
but its too much now
i want a sart want an end.

i want you then
not you now.
every night i have your dreams
my mind cries and heart screams.

last night also we had a fight
i seemed wrong and you were right
but it didn't really matter
because what is already in
was very bitter.

why is it that
even still when i assume
i'm over you
why does every theme
begins on you and ends on you.

i dont understand
but this is true
my happy creations
are actually very few
and whatever they are
of whatever nature
they all are with you.

hence this proves
it's all sad when its not you
but then its ok
if i lose you now
once and for all
i shall be saved the hurt of
losing you twice in a row.

will you live upto 92

1st of dec.'08
after spending the night at my friend's place and loading myself with his recipes i decided to start my day early as after 5 hrs i had to hop onto a train to my parent's place and i had a lot of packing to do and a truck load of other tasks. wth my mind busy in working out the strategy for the next 150 degree of clock movement and not even a moment to spare i didnt know when my metro bound brisking legs came to a sreeching halt and before i could realise i was standing near a cigarette vendor and the deadly words had left my lips " ek ultramilds dena" and the next thing i realised after getting over with my baggage count(mentally of course) was that my two fingers had company and i must say a smoking one.
Pulled in a drag and it hit me like the first orgasm , my eyes drooped and legs wobbled , fingertips went numb and felt the world rising and i could actually feel as if some invisible screw was trying to uncork y head and i got ready to explode like champagne. And with all the processes running i commanded my system to move on with the FIFO rule and continue my journey.
I turn and what i see is an elderly gentleman standing 10 feet away dressed smartly in grey pleated trousers , oxford shoes , white shirt with a grey cardigan and a tweed jacket with a Holmes hat and a stick which didn't support anything and was a mere accessory. And the appearances told me that he must have seen quite a bit of the British raj to be a fan still after 61 yrs of first swearing in ceremony .
And one more thing i knew for sure which by experience i have developed as instincts as to when a Gandhian fella would give you a lecture on Fagging & Boozing , and have always been very polite to avoid them or in inevitable circumstances to pass on a I KNOW smile and move on or may be a word or two of apologies. I have at times even tried to pretend to be uncultured , disrepectful ass hole ( using facial expressions only) without much success.
So here i knew what was coming and i didnt mean to be bad but i really didnt have that kind of time to spare to listen to all that i already knew , from my own accquired knowledge and some owing to such unwelcomed yet warmly received lectures.
He gestured me to come and as he was standing in between me and my destination so i proceeded determined to make it short.
The first queston he asked me was to guess his age which didnt seem dfficult and i knew i got it until i realised that my answer of 72 was atcually twenty years short of the correct one.
His second question was whether i will live that long for which i knew the answer this time : Not with my current habits and even if i manage to i wouldnt want to.
His third sentence revealed his destination ( which was in the opposite drection) , a smart way to call for company and yet saving me the embarassment in case i didnt want to come .
And the next fifteen minutes which eventually proved very crucial in travelling terms but to that gentleman ,on our very first and last rezendevous , i made a half hearted promise of kicking the butt off and did a gesture of throwing the smoke whch was still in my hand and crushing it under my boot only to keep his faith alive that he still could do something for this world and moreover beacause i didnt want that my denial here should deprive some more deserving and less argumantative smoker from getting his chance of kicking the golden butt.
And in the name of faith and goodwill i made a promise which actually gets strong with each passing drag. and the smoke i puff out shows me his face . He actually told me that every time i want to smoke remember him but actually every time i smoke i dont want to remember him because now he haunts me , the smoke shows his face and in his eyes i see the trust i am breaching . O!God dont haunt me cause i know it was you and no one else.
Because recently i learnt ( which was not incedental ) that nothing in this world is an accident but a conspiracy of HIM which when we are unable to explain shelve it in the HAPPENED BY CHANCE file. But remember everything in this world happens for a purpose , everything.
Even you reading this is planned , schemed.

If God was to be an Architect

I will keep up the good spirit.


Oh! God i don't like your design,
the humans that you made,
i fear them
i fear to mingle I'll have to be one
and i know i cannot
why didn't you made me like them
or why aren't they like me.
why this deconstrutivism you followed,
isn't context the best way out,
i guess you are not contemporary anymore,
why is that i fall out of place,
to acknowledge good,acknowledge bad
but then you could have come up with a better concept
i know i am a masterpiece
but masterpieces have never been functional (falling waters , villa savoy , glass house)
but i will keep up the good spirit that
i apart from being different
is sustainable as well
and will live through the crisis
making my contribution to the greens.
AMEN !!!
and if it happens otherwise we shall hope for an open jury.
no repeats please.